A friend once told me that before a person could jump into a relationship, he or she must first complete him or herself as a person, and that he or she must never rely on his or her partner to complete him or herself.

To expound on this, before you get yourself involved in a relationship, you must first establish yourself fully as an individual, and not be dependent on your partner to complete you as a person. Think of you and your partner as two pillars, and your relationship as a plank that you both must support to create a strong, efficient and sturdy bridge. You and your partner as pillars must first individually build yourselves strong and sturdy. Pillars do not fill each other, instead, they complement each others' strengths. Hence, with two strong pillars, you both make a strong and long-lasting bridge.

There is an amazing "I/me" and there is an amazing "him" or "her". Put them together and you both make a super, phenomenal "us". Couples are teams of two super individuals. They work together to achieve great things as well as to keep their relationship strong. People do not complete people the way dentures fill the gaps of an old person's teeth. People join forces to make a dynamic couple.

I have just received news that a former classmate of mine in high school passed away. My initial reaction was that of utter disbelief. I refused to swallow what I just heard. It happened so fast and too soon.

My first encounter with this magnificent woman was back in our freshman year. She was one of the new girls in the class. She seemed quiet and timid, and that was how I recognized her. That was all I could make out of her then. It was not until our senior year that she betrayed the extraordinary flair she secretly possessed. As timid as she seemed to be, she had skills that no one else could ever level to. She danced like a graceful tongue of fire on a candle stick; she played the piano ever so beautifully, it reduced me to tears. She disclosed a candid humor that brought everyone to the ground in tears, laughing.

Secretly, I had developed a tremendous sense of admiration for her. She held traits I wished I had myself. She manifested a height of confidence I could not reach. She was unafraid of the world. She loved and cared equitably.

It wounds me that I am unable to even have a glimpse of her. I am saddened by the vast physical distance that hinders me from seeing her. I wish I could just click my heels and magically appear right where she lies so I can be together with our fellow sisters and keep an eye on her.

And so the music stopped playing as the tape had reached its end; and yet it continues to ring in my head...

If 2007 was my year of reconstruction, 2008 would be my year of dismantling. From what seemed like a better life and a better me, I suddenly found myself getting stripped and pulled to pieces... I was empty once again; as if my life was taken away from me -temporarily.

With each year that passed, we always lose something and leave things behind. However, in spite of these losses and harrowing sacrifices, we gain a substantial sum of erudition and blessings. Lindsay Lohan abdicated men but at least she's out of rehab. I left my high school, but I earned my diploma (and escaped the hypocrisy of the school admin). I lost a lover, but gained a best friend. I missed out on a bunch of summer parties, but I gained an ample sense of grace (thanks to YE). I chopped off all my hair and garnered more attention (pardon my cockiness, it's the sad truth :D). I moved hundreds of thousands of miles away from my best friends, but we garnered an even closer and stronger relationship. I lost the privilege of having maids, but I learned to be more independent. I lost my privilege of having a personal chauffeur, but I got my own car. I failed a number of tests, but I acquired a vast sense of responsibility, faith and even more adeptness. My life seemed to flow aimlessly, but I learned to be patient with myself, with time and with God.

The list goes on, as it would for everyone else. Just 24 hours from now, I will be stepping out of 2008 and into 2009, and I could never be more excited! This will be the year that I rebuild my entire life from a clean slate.

So cheers to us, for having survived a year of insanity and coming out in 2008, and for an awesome 2009 to come! May all of us be sober enough to find our way home alive (and intact) this evening. And when we wake, let's start 2009 by detoxifying with lots of water, green tea and cardio.

Whatever happened to that privilege that was endowed on us? In case you're arguing that 'nobody's hindering you from expressing yourself' -think again. Our society has limited our tongues from releasing certain extents of language and insights due to cultural, political, moral and religious reasons. If we must say something against them, we must say it deep underground.

They say that 'we must think before we speak/act.", and true enough, it is necessary to follow suit to avoid miscommunications and squabbles. However, I don't think that any person must be ceased from expressing a well-thought speech because the listener refuses to be affected by the sentiments of the speaker. If there's one thing we must learn to do, that is to have control over our emotions as a listener. To zip our lips; open our ears; and, if you must, harden your heart and stable your mind for if there's one peeve speakers have, it is a listener who manipulates the orator's discourse.

So as much as one person's statements are against your will and beliefs, you have to pay him/her the respect that he/she deserves. Let them speak.

Just when I was starting to feel more optimistic and hopeful with my current life, I find myself, tonight, sulking underneath the warmth of my thick comforter. I am back to square one, once again.

The lack of color has already been engulfed by grays; not a trace of the rainbow left. I had such little to confide with here and today I learn that the very little I've got is slowly being pulled away from me too. Everyone in my family has someone outside the shelter of this cork-board box. Dad has his co-workers, Mom has her PTA, my sisters have their classmates, and all our neighbors are of their age group but mine. Never ever in my life have I felt such excruciating pain and severe loneliness. And as much as I'd want to stop feeling like so, I just can't help it. I want to stop 'cause I don't want my parents to worry about me. I want to stop because I don't want my sisters to feel sad or bad for me. I want to stop 'cause I don't want to give anyone a hard time but I just CAN'T.

My life here is so constricted hence, there isn't much that I nor my family could do to help me through this phase. To deliberately hurt or kill myself would lead to my loved ones' grief and that would only make things worse for all of us, so now, all I can do is cry and pray.

It's been four months since I moved and I have to admit that I'm surprised that I still haven't lost it -yet. Four months of idle living, hardly a social life, basically just spending each and everyday doing chores and running errands with my Mom -I won't deny it, my dear friend. That's how my life has been for the past four months. I cannot say that I am having the time of my life because, apparently, I'm not. I will not say I am devastated because, well, surprisingly, I am not. Am I satisfied? -Yes. Am I lonely as hell? -Yes. Am I still sane? -Thank God.

Re-building your life in an absolute foreign place is even harder than I imagined. It's not just moving your belongings, organizing and decorating your house/room, nor is it just adjusting to a different timezone. It's trying to adapt to a totally different lifestyle, trying to understand and embrace the many diverse cultures that surround you, trying to network and socialize, and being understanding of others no matter how absurd they seem to be. But most of all, it's being patient with time and yourself.

Life is severely difficult, but I am not giving up. For my Mom, my Dad, and most specially my sisters, I will stand tall and stay strong because they need me. I will stay healthy, I will stay sane, I will try to be productive and I will be extremely patient just for them, and of course, you. However, please do forgive me when I cry for some nights I cannot help but break down. I am a mere human like yourself. I am strong but sometimes I become weak too. For you, however, I WILL be strong because it's the only way I could ever thank you. I would've recorded a video or written a song to tell you how thankful I am, or I would've at least dropped a little note; but then I thought that the best way I could thank you is to show you how well you've taught me.

So here I am, smiling at the thought of you; smiling because you told me to; smiling for you. I will be good, I will stay healthy and I will stay sane. I will be strong and I will be patient. I will endure whatever challenge that will come my way and I will embrace each and every second of this life. I vow to this for my family, my best friends, and for you. I hope to serve as a tiny inspiration for you, just as you've become one for me.

It's amazing how big a difference one can make.

One missing page in a book can leave you immensely baffled 'til the end of the plot.
One shade of foundation lighter than your actual tone can make you look like a rejected geisha (or, for pinoys, espasol) -making you the butt of the day's jokes.
One shoe size short and your toes will throb all week.
One more pinch of salt can ruin tonight's dinner.
One drop of blood can give you AIDS.
One kiss can lead to many things.
One glass more can cost your criminal record (or worse -your life).
One puff can get you hooked.
One wrong digit and you've called your neighbor's husband's mistress' brother's dog's new owner.
One word can make your heart race.
One witty line can spark a great friendship (or relationship).
One grammatical error could mess up one's main point.
One note wrong and you ruin the entire song.
One minute late and you've missed what would have been the greatest deal in your career.
One splash of color can brighten up the dullest of rooms.
One cough can kill thousands.
One prayer can save millions.

One small act, one miniscule detail, one minor error -all it takes is ONE to make the most dramatic change, the biggest difference, the greatest blessing in life.

Today, my Mom and I ventured out to fulfill some medical requirements. We got ourselves vaccinated and I got mine for free because I am still seventeen, making me a minor. I turn eighteen tomorrow. That's a couple of a hundred bucks worth -that's a couple of a hundred bucks saved. Just one day saved me funds for my future.


P.S.
I had 5 vaccines today. T_T ouch...