I was born and raised a tubby-wubby, stubby, portly girl and this has caused my puberty years to be a period of utmost insecurities. I would look at my reflection everyday and get disgusted with what I see: fats, flabs, and cellulite. It was an obnoxious site and I hated it. I loathed my family for allowing me to grow in this manner.

I didn't want to be fat so I sought out ways to lose all the fats in my body. I started playing sports, and eventually joined the volleybal team. Sure, I lost weight; but it wasn't enough. I constantly gained and lost weight; grew thin and got fat. It was very frustrating for me because I couldn't lose weight incessantly.

I then tried changing my diet. I ate less quantities of food but when I ate a little more than usual, I bloated. Then I stopped eating and when I ate a bit more, I'd vommit. I have to admit that I had undergone bullemia, and that my friends, was not fun AT ALL. So I threw my food out, better out the front door than out the back right? -WRONG. Same consequence as when I ate less: I eat a tad more than usual and I blow up like a balloon.

One christmas break, I was out with some friends and we were eating pizza, chips, and drinking beer -yes, VERY calouric indeed. One of my friends complained that she's gonna get fat and she won't be able to lose weight anymore. My other friend on the other hand told her: "Indulge now, you're on vacation! Once you get back, just follow three simple rules: NO chips, NO sweets, LOW carb, and you'll lose a lot of weight in no time." I took the advice (discreetly of course) and went to the gym regularly. I lost 15lbs in 2 months and since then, I've been following the exact same diet, cheating on special occassions ONLY, religiously exercising, and I am proud to say that I have maintained a good figure and still sculpting.

I kept tossing and turning, dozing off and waking up within minutes. I could not get myself to sleep and ended up having only about 3 hours of slumber in the previous night.

I am overwhelmed by yesterday's events. One is that I still cannot believe what I had just done. It was such a magnanimous leap of faith for me to do what I had just done for there were many consequences at stake. Its aftermath is just so unpredictable that I was engulfed by fear, and yet I still pursued on that act of honesty (and maybe insanity). What stirs me most is how things turned out after I jumped off the edge of the cliff. Expecting to crash down, hard, and get severely injured for life, I surprisingly landed ever so comfortably. I was nervous but I was comfortable. It's one of those divergent emotions that's difficult to comprehend.

I still can't get it off my thoughts. I've yet to absorb yesterday's events. I am overwhelmed. I am ecstatic. I am petrified. What will become of this later? That we have yet to discover (in due time).