Just when I was starting to feel more optimistic and hopeful with my current life, I find myself, tonight, sulking underneath the warmth of my thick comforter. I am back to square one, once again.

The lack of color has already been engulfed by grays; not a trace of the rainbow left. I had such little to confide with here and today I learn that the very little I've got is slowly being pulled away from me too. Everyone in my family has someone outside the shelter of this cork-board box. Dad has his co-workers, Mom has her PTA, my sisters have their classmates, and all our neighbors are of their age group but mine. Never ever in my life have I felt such excruciating pain and severe loneliness. And as much as I'd want to stop feeling like so, I just can't help it. I want to stop 'cause I don't want my parents to worry about me. I want to stop because I don't want my sisters to feel sad or bad for me. I want to stop 'cause I don't want to give anyone a hard time but I just CAN'T.

My life here is so constricted hence, there isn't much that I nor my family could do to help me through this phase. To deliberately hurt or kill myself would lead to my loved ones' grief and that would only make things worse for all of us, so now, all I can do is cry and pray.