I've lost so many things in my life. Some I had to give up, some just left me, and some were taken away from me. But somehow, despite all these things I've lost, I am actually thankful for having lost these precious things 'cause these losses have taught me to be stronger.

I remember, I was just three when my mom left 'cause of my dad's abusive ways. I used to be so mad at her for leaving me, and I used to be so mad at the fact that she had to leave me. There were nights when I'd cry myself to sleep, wishing she was there. What made it even harder was that my father tried to keep me away from my mom, even to the point of brainwashing me with ill lies about her. It hurt me so much because she's my mom and here's my father, talking bad about her. I never believed a thing he said that's bad about my mom, and I really seeded ways to be with her. I wanted to live with my mom & be with her so I fought. I fought hard and finally mustered-up the courage to pack my bags, walk out of my father's house & move in with my mom. Growing up as a child was tough for me, but see, I learned to become independent and strong. I learned how to stand on my own two, frail, but struggling feet. It was a hard and painful journey but things turned out very well in the end.

I won't say that life's blissful for me now because it isn't. I won't say either that it's depressing because I am satisfied. I've just lost an immense part of me and life is being hard on me once again. I feel gravely devastated but somehow I am happy & thankful. It's hard -beyond hard actually. I've cried most nights & I haven't really mustered a genuine smile lately, but I'm coping. I guess it's about time I get smacked hard on the face so I'd learn to become stronger & stuff, anyway. Just like my childhood struggles, I have to learn to stand on my own & train my frail heart to be stronger.

It's not the end, after all. In fact, it's just the beginning of a new chapter in my life. It's just one dream that's broken into a thousand, tiny pieces. I just have to pick them up, one by one, and piece them back together. It's gonna be hard, but I have to be strong.

A year ago, I was an emotionally distressed girl who refused to go near the church and did not believe in God. I mean, I've always believed in His existence but I didn't believe in His powers, what He can do and how much He loves us. No matter how much my Christian Living teacher would persuade tell me about faith and no matter how much my grandmother would explain to me how great God is, I never believed in Him. It wasn't until September last year that I was finally convinced by my best friend to join our village parish's Youth Apostolate and attend this three-day retreat. After that weekend, I came back to church more often and I began starting and ending each day with a prayer. I got enlightened and was so moved. I was a happier person. Never did I become emotionally distressed since then.

You see, I have this theory that God knows how to reach us. Yes, He goes through a little trial-and-error process, talking to you through people He believes you will trust. I guess it also depends on what He wants to say as well. You know how Pepsi and Coka Cola are both colas but then we always choose just one of the brands? It's the same when God tries to tell us something. He tries telling it through, let's say, your teacher, and He tries telling you the same message through, say, your best friend. You can either believe and follow as your teacher says, or trust your best friend and do what you're told -it really is up to the individual, but one thing's for sure: He will sought ways to reach you and He will never forsake you.

You know how you can only completely remove sticky tacks off the wall by rolling a sticky tack on it? And how you can remove nail polish without using nail polish remover by applying nail polish on it then wiping it off while it's still wet? Well, it's a pretty similar process on how our emotions are manifested.

It's in our nature to blame our joy, our pains and our wrath on others but if you just pause and take a close look at it, the reason for these sentiments is actually our own selves. We laugh because we want to laugh. We cry because we want to cry. We get mad because we want to get mad. We feel such way because we DECIDED to do so. We are hurt by people because we allowed them to make us feel hurt. When someone gives you a foul comment, we feel insulted but can't we just laugh it off and feel happy?

We are walking on this long path that is our life. Each obstacle has a set of paths to choose from. It is WE who choose to be happy, to be sad and to simply feel. I'm not saying that these people have absolutely nothing to do with our feelings. In fact, it is they who influence the way we should feel; the final decision is just up to us. What exactly is my point here? I'm just saying, the only way to save ourselves from depression is we, ourselves. You can't solely rely on someone else to wipe off your tears and replace your frown with a smile -you have to do that yourself because you are the only one who can do it completely. However, it doesn't mean that you should refuse the help of others. If you can't do it yourself at all, then by all means necessary, ask for help from someone you trust will guide you to the right path. In the end though, it is always YOU who makes the final decision.